Lunch, interrupted...

Out an about during my lunch hour today, I couldn't help but overhear a conversation bordering between hilarity and horridness ...reason being: it was an American talking on his 'Yell Phone'...

(Now, before you go and get your undergarments in a twist, please let me clarify something to you. I am an American so I am allowed to make such observations and statements about "my people". Secondly, I hold a New Zealand passport, so I am therefore free to comment on 'Foreigners'. Its a nice situation if you ask me.)

So the gentleman in question decided that everyone within a 5 kilometre radius needed to take part in the domestic argument via his super cool BlueTooth gadget thing clipped to his head. Personally, I would have been a lot happier with this disruption to my otherwise peaceful lunch if he had been suffering from a mild form of schizophrenia, leading him to believe he was Uhura from Star Trek, however this was not to be.

Obviously unhappy with the situation at hand, all of those within the vicinity of 'Rumble in Off-Beat Cafe' were too polite to tell him to take it outside. There were general mutterings and dirty looks shot from around the room to our oblivious cafe going culprit though. "That'll teach him!" I may be speaking from a biased position, but it seems that a large proportion of Americans feel it o.k to have loud, private conversations in public areas? I think I am missing something here.


From personal experience of my time overseas and travelling within the States, I can say sadly that this is not uncommon. I haven't taken a survey, its just what my eyes and hears have observed. Exhibit A: The situation at hand. Exhibit B: The Bus. Exhibit C: The Supermarket Checkout. etc etc.

I began to wonder if this phenomenon was driven by the respective cultural traits or if it was the result of the rate and availability in advancing technology? Do hands free phones suck so badly that they require you to have to speak louder than normal? Or is it just that you yourself are louder than normal from breeding? OR does one feed the other?

It was then that I realised BlueTooth technology could be added to my list of 'Major Issues With the World'. It just another tool to enable individuals who already thunder through life at large, not caring or being aware of their effect on the world around them, to make more of a presence. I link Americans to this because in general, they seem to be suffering the worst affliction, and I venture to suggest that it might stem from the fact we are taught from a young age that the rest of the world, and perhaps, the universe revolves around America.

Maps depict us as the largest and in the middle of everything ("Sorry Russia, you are actually in two bits. And sorry South America, you may be almost as large if not larger, but long and skinny ye shall be"). Its no wonder that the likes of Miss South Carolina seemed so confused on the matter.

So really, its not our fault we are this way. I mean, have you seen Fox News? Wait, don't answer that. However I do think the major failing of my fellow Americans is that we often don't bother to discover that there is a world out there besides our own or that there are other languages besides English to speak. If only there was a "Red Pill/Blue Pill" choice for the American people. However most are happy to accept the reality with which they are presented.

This is a very broad statement. In actuality, I know a large number of tame, well mannered, conscientious, polite, open-minded, lovely Americans who can happily exist and live in the world at large. Sadly, of the304,059,724 Americans on the planet, the wankers are more largely represented and encountered than the alternative.

I digress from my story. Eventually, I had had enough of the conversation and nicely asked the chap "Well, are you winning, or not?" To which he replied with a curt nod and then promptly left the premises. Once clear of the building, there were sighs of relief and a thank you's from the patron at the table next to mine (who informed me she was nearly ready to do the same).

My closing message is this: If the conversation you are about to have was a cigarette instead, please find a suitable place to smoke it (i.e. outside, in the open, away from everyone).

Upcoming post: "You Can't down your sorrows in Vodka - you only teach them to swim..."